23 April 2014

I shouldn’t be calling this a daily blog anymore, should I?

It has been almost 2 weeks since my last post. I am deeply ashamed.

Let me catch you up with what’s been happening:

– first, a rather dramatic flight to London from Bangkok. I had begun writing about it but never got round to finishing the post. I have a feeling 13 April will stay a draft for a while. Ah well, one can never save up too many exciting stories!

– I am in London. For almost 2 weeks now. Time does fly. Apart from London, I’ve also been in Lake District. I spent the Easter bank holiday weekend there. It was great. Breakfast in the garden with a view over Lake Windemere. Rowing in Derwentwater. I couldn’t have asked for more for a relaxing weekend away from London. *reminiscing pause*

– I’m settling in nicely in my new flat. The thing I love the most is my working desk. It’s in the living room, facing the large window overlooking the communal garden. Light, airy, green. A bit chilly without the heating on, but apparently low temperature is correlated with higher productivity. Or so I’ve been told.

– I’ve met up with some of my friends from university. And I must say, again, that time really does fly. Some of them I haven’t seen since I was in my second year… which is 3 years ago. Damn. And I must also say, it’s nice to see where everyone is in their lives; we’ve all chosen such different paths. I think I’m starting to understand the meaning of ‘catching up’.

– Revision has been intermittent. Four-day break to go to Lake District. And while I’m in London I’ve been going back and forth between my place and my better half’s. Which is good in the grand scheme of things, but doesn’t really contribute toward exam preparation, as I must reluctantly admit. But I’m back in my flat now. Bag unpacked from Lake District. All revision material at arm’s length. Enter the final stretch!

And that’s about it, I think. I could tell you about my indignation at the outrageously expensive groceries shopping for my flat. In fact, I think I just did. Ah, London prices. At least it has been mostly sunny and warm. So I can’t complain. *knock wood*

Now for miscellaneous thoughts/bits that I want to put in writing but am too lazy to organise into a coherent whole:

Before going on my Lake District trip, I was quite apprehensive about losing 4 whole days of revision time. In retrospect, though, I think it was a good decision to go away. I had been revising non-stop for – 3 weeks was it? – before coming to London. A well-earned break was due. And now I feel fresh and motivated to get back on my revision track. (Euphemism for exams fast approaching and increasingly feeling the pressure)

Oooh, I got an e-mail from UCL today. An essay that’s going to count toward 60% of one of my modules has been marked and is now ready for collection. I’m going to go pick it up tomorrow. Excited? Yes I am. I’m always excited when I pick up my essays. It’s an essay/writing pride thing.

It’s 10.45pm. I should go to bed. I’m trying to get my biological alarm clock set at around 6-6.30am. It’s perfect for going on a morning run. Which I’ve done once since I got back to London. 9k. Yes, I’m extremely proud. I froze my hands off though.

Which is why I bought myself a running jacket/jumper/top (can you call it a suit if it has no bottom?) for cold weather. It covers your hands and has holds for your fingers to come out. I haven’t used it yet. I’m hoping to soon. Maybe tomorrow…

Goodnight,

Val

 

 

 

 

11 April 2014 (2)

And I am back!

I am on a blogging roll today.

My flight to London is tomorrow. And it’s finally hitting home that in less than two days I’m going to be in London. I’ll be going in the tube, walking in the streets, trying out this coffee shop and that restaurant.

It’s fascinating how 14-15 hours of flight can transport you to a different world. Different weather. Different architecture. Different system. Different people. Different smell. Different everything.

And I’m finally starting to look forward to it.

I discovered a few hours ago that Regent’s Park will be within running distance from my flat, and that’s one of the first things I’m determined to do when I arrive.

Now, that’s me being optimistic. More likely, I’ll just have enough energy to clean my room, unpack, get myself cleaned up, then plump onto the couch/bed/soft item in the flat. Then make myself a cup of coffee and try to get some revision done.

Yes. That sounds like a more realistic plan.

Talking about plans and being realistic, I must get on. That French exposé (oui je parle français, un tout petit peu) isn’t going to write itself.

I’ve sorted out my carry-on, checked the TfL website for travel disruptions, mapped out my jogging route, printed out all the revision notes I made over the past weeks. Yep, that’s pretty much everything productive I can do to put off writing this exposé.

Oh yes, I’ve blogged too. Twice.

#forshame

I highly doubt I will have time to write tomorrow before my long flight, so I guess I’ll ‘see’ you in London.

Take care,

Val

9 April 2014

It’s official. My daily blogging routine has been broken. I was pretty good with it all through March, then April happened.

Not that the change of month had anything to do with it.

But what was it then that broke the routine? I’d say it’s just me. But that’s not really saying anything.

Let me get back to the subject I wanted to write about on 6 April: duty and flexibility.

You see, I started this blog as a commitment device: by publishing this daily blog, I pre-commit to writing every day. Even when I don’t have anything particularly interesting or valuable to write about. The task is to find something, and write.

I thought this would be a good way to practise my writing skills. And to make writing a regularity in my daily life. With the hope that, as the months – even years – go by, writing will come more naturally to me.

I still think it’s a good idea. I think it’s good for my writing. I think it’s good for me. Sometimes you go through days without really looking at them, at what you’ve done. And writing this at the end of the day forces me to stop pushing forward, and take stock.

Which is always a good thing.

I’ve been quite conflicted this past week about not keeping up with the blog on a daily basis. I wanted this to be a regular thing, a daily thing. I felt it was my duty to make it happen.

As you can see, this has not been the case this past week. Other things got in the way, and I’ve had to make choices. I’ve chosen social outings over blogging, French revision over blogging, sleep over blogging, and – there’s no point denying – aimlessly browsing the Internet over blogging.

I haven’t felt good about this. It feels like I’ve let my blog, my readers, but most of all myself down. I wanted to believe that I could keep this daily routine, that I could work my way around inconveniences, unforeseen circumstances.

That doesn’t appear to be the case. Or does it?

I mean, one must be flexible, right? If there’s only 24 hours in a day, and you wake up 3 hours later than usual, then something must give. And, for me, that something happens to be this blog.

Is it really so bad if I don’t manage to write every day? What is more important? This blog, my exams, exercise, seeing friends, or feeling good about myself?

I should just stop being conflicted about this, and accept the fact that I choose not to keep up with this blog on a daily basis. It’s not that I’m not able to, but I choose not to.

Because it is a choice.

Everything is a choice.

Just like me choosing to water the plants in the garden earlier today over revision. I can tell myself all I want that being outdoors is good for me, that stretching my legs in the garden is good for me, that it’s better than being cooped up in the house all day.

In the end, they’re nothing but excuses, useless justifications.

I made the choice, and I’ll have to live with the consequences, whatever they may be.

The same with this blog.

Until… tomorrow?

Val

p.s. That wasn’t the most coherent of posts was it? Note to self: impose some QC next time.

 

6 April 2014

Val’s list of priorities as of 6th April:

1. Revise.
2. Exercise.
3. Socialise.
4. Write.

It’s my last week in Bangkok before I jet off to London, where my final undergraduate exams will begin in less than a month. *shivers* Given this imminent departure, I’ve tried to schedule in seeing all my good friends this past and coming week. And since I can’t do two things at once, I’ve had to revise my priorities list from 25th March.

To be completely honest, though, in my head, the priorities seem to be: revise, revise, revise. At some point this week, I suddenly realised that I’ve officially entered the final stretch of revision.

It’s funny. The middle stretch never arrived. One day I was in my early stretch (25th March would be one of those days), then suddenly I was in the final stretch. There doesn’t seem to be a middle stage where you’re just revising merrily along. You’re either super cool and collected, thinking ‘I’m way ahead. I started so early’, or a wreck of nerves, with ‘OMG I’M NEVER GOING TO FINISH REVISING IN TIME. THERE’S LESS THAN A MONTH LEFT‘ on repeat in your puny, overworked, and overstressed brain (which pretty much describes the me of the past week).

My solution for this surge in anxiety has been to exercise like mad. I’ve gone to the gym more often this week than any other week. Having my imminent departure as an excuse to spend more time with friends also helps. The exercise and the company distract me from the stress of revision, but the latter is never far from my mind.

I wonder what it’ll be like once I arrive in London. I can already foresee my stress levels shoot right up. It’s a good thing I’ve got that Lake District trip planned. God knows I could use some away time to clear my head.

On the other hand, though, it’s four whole days where I won’t be able to revise. And there’s a lot you can revise in four days.

This is really not a productive train of thought, so I’m going to stop myself there.

Objectively, I’ve done a lot this week: substantial revision progress was made, visa was acquired, friends were met, body was subject to rigorous exercise. I just don’t feel like it.

And that’s the problem.

It’s all in your mind. It’s all in my mind.

If only the mind were easier to tame.

Maybe I should start meditating.

But now I should get started on that French exercise, so I have time to wash my car before it gets dark (and the mosquitoes come out to play).

Thanks for reading,

Val

p.s. I meant to write a post about how flexibility and duty are inherently incompatible concepts. I’m not sure what happened. I started writing and this came out.

p.p.s. This is quite therapeutic. I should really write about more substantial things though, more concrete topics, with analysis and insight. And there goes the over-exigent mind again.

 

 

4 March [I meant April] 2014

I’m back.

Where did two days go?

This is my catch-up post. It serves the ostentatious purpose of explaining my absence, but really it’s to help me make peace with myself over my manifest lack of organisational skills.

I mean, how difficult can it be to set aside 30, 40 minutes each day to write a daily blog? Not to mention a blog about myself.

Overwhelmed with guilt and disappointment with said lacking organisational skills, I had originally planned to write two posts today. I had even titled the post ‘4 March 2014 (1)’, thereby implying a (2) to follow over the course of the day. Then I changed my mind.

Better not count the eggs before they hatch. Events may yet unfold in such a way as to deprive me of my quality laptop time this evening. Was that a correct application of that saying? Somehow I don’t think so.

To return to the ostentatious objective of this post, let me attempt to explain my two-day absence without it sounding like an excuse. It’s a narrow rope to walk, but a girl can try.

It has been a whirlwind two days. Actually, this whole week has been a flurry of events. Monday was crazy revision day, as some of you might remember (ah, good old times). You don’t know much about my Tuesday, though you may actually know more than you think (despite the disclaimer, the post did reflect some of the events that transpired on that April Fools’ Day).

In fact, two things that happened on Tuesday account almost entirely for my undue absence:

1. UCL published my exam timetable which at first solicited a huge sigh of relief, but then launched me into a fit of panic anyways. (More on that in a bit)
2. The British Embassy announced in great fanfare that they have “made a decision” on my visa. And I was to wait two working days before collecting my passport and other returned documents at the visa application centre.

Both announcements caught me by surprise. As the old adage would have it, a watched kettle never boils. For differing reasons (too mundane and detailed to recount to you in full), I was not expecting either the timetable or the visa decision on that particular Tuesday. And yet, there they both were, in black and white, staring at me from my laptop screen.

This was always going to be a busy week. Extraordinarily, I had two social engagements planned for the evenings of Wednesday and Thursday. This was to take away at least 6 hours of revision time, the realisation of which had already put me on a bit of an edge going into Tuesday. Then came the timetable plus ensuing panic and visa business which always stresses me out (I really don’t like the possibility that someone may decide not to allow me into the country, just because they can).

First the timetable. I don’t want to bore you with details, but I’m going to do it anyways. So I have 5 exams: 2 French, 3 Econ (as I’m sure I’ve mentioned in a previous post). My worst fears were that the 3 Econ exams would fall in the same week. In which case I am utterly [insert rude word of choice].

As it turns out, they don’t. UCL was kind enough to give me a space of two weeks between my fourth and fifth exams. And two weeks to revise for that particular Econ module will do just fine. Hence the relief.

As I noted down my various exam dates, I began to calculate how much time I had left to revise for each module. My first exam is on May 1st. The second on 6th. Both are French. Then I have two Econ exams the following week. I’m flying to London next Saturday. Going off to Lake District for four days over Easter weekend. Subtract some days for jet-lag recovery, settling into flat, seeing friends, seeing boyfriend. I suddenly realised: I don’t really have that much time left.

Especially for my French exams which require skills you need to build up gradually (translation, redaction, synthesis – if you were wondering). One does not, cannot, cram for French. And considering I haven’t touched my French folder in almost a week, which – trust me – is a really long time in revision universe, this realisation was somewhat disconcerting.

That’s when I panicked. And imposed a golden rule: every day between now and 1st of May, I will do French. And doing French does not include reading my French fiction which, albeit altogether enjoyable and useful in terms of vocabulary acquisition, doesn’t really help with the skills requisite for the exam. Not if I’m honest with myself. And at this late stage in exam preparation, dishonesty comes at a high cost. So it was resolved: at least one French exercise, translation, or oral preparation per day. Every day.

Jeez that was long. Are you still with me?

Now for the visa business. The Embassy said my visa would be ready to collect at the application centre after two working days. The centre itself offers an online tracking service which would supposedly notify me when my documents have been delivered back at the centre.

And here’s the situation as it stood on Tuesday. Last time I applied for a UK visa, they managed to spell my name wrong and I had to send my passport back to the Embassy for them to correct it, which took a few days. This time, I was applying for a visa category I had never applied for before. And I was applying under rather extraordinary circumstances: in short, I had interrupted my studies the previous year and was flying back just for the exams. My flight was on the following Saturday, which gave me a margin of exactly 8 working days for whatever it was that might go horribly wrong.

And I could think of plenty of things that could go wrong. The application centre had moved while my visa was being processed (I almost went to the wrong place to collect it yesterday). Maybe they’d lose my passport, deliver it to the old office, lose it in the old office, lose it in the new office, spell my name wrong – I mean, it wouldn’t be the first time. Plenty of things.

Also, the centre had a new website which wasn’t completely glitch-free. So at times I couldn’t access the tracking page. How else am I supposed to know if I can go collect my documents if I can’t access the only place that gives me that information? Oh, did I mention they don’t have a phone number for the new office? And when I called the old ‘call centre’ number, I was greeted with a recorded message in English and Thai that they no longer offered this service.

I mean, one would think a phone line is a pretty basic service to offer for the amount of money they’re charging for their ‘services’.

Needless to mention, passport-collection-related anxieties made me rather nervy the whole of Wednesday. I couldn’t focus very well on revision, so I decided to channel my anxiety into more gym time (which turned out, as always, to be a good decision). It’s a good thing I had social engagements planned. I wouldn’t have been capable of much otherwise.

Finally, after checking the tracking website a gazillion times, a different message popped up on Thursday, late in the morning, informing me that my documents were ready for collection. And by the time I got myself to the new centre, waited (45 minutes) for my queue and for the extremely bored-looking staff to dig up my documents from the back room, checked that everything was in order, and squeezed myself into the packed sky train (it just had to be rush hour); I only had two hours left before my dinner engagement.

Two hours I could have spent blogging. But the disciplined (read: panicked) student that I am, I spent the time on a French translation and some practice phrases.

A small aside, in the two days post-golden rule, I have spent more time on French than in the whole of the preceding week. It’s always a question of time allocation, isn’t it? You’re never too busy for something; you’re just choosing not to make time for it. All those days where I thought ‘I could do some French now’ but didn’t actually open the folder. Well, better late than never, as they say.

To sum up, the French golden rule and the visa, plus the social engagements which fell into my prime time blogging slot, are why you didn’t hear from me for two days.

Sounded a bit like an essay there.

It’s 9.30am right now and I am extremely tired (a combination of too little sleep last night and the 10% Belgian beer – why did I not take my Tylenol before I went to bed? WHY!?!). This really does not bode well for today’s revision. Maybe I’ll go to the gym now to wake myself up. I probably should.

I’ll try revising for a bit, see if it works. If not, I’ll get myself over to the elliptical. Listen to French radio while I ellipticalise my way through yesterday’s fries, and the beer. Oh God the beer. And then there was the spaghetti… and the…

I’d better stop myself there.

Have a good day everyone.

Until tomorrow,

Val

p.s. There’s not going to be a second post after all. Given how long this post was, I don’t think you’d mind too much. I can probably just cut it in half and publish it in two posts. But that’s overcomplicating things.

p.p.s. Having gone through the post once to make final adjustments, I’ve decided to go to the gym after publishing this. The amount and silliness level of typos and other mistakes were horrendous. I don’t think my current brain state lends itself to productive revision. See how I’m rocking time management? (Excuses, excuses)

p.p.p.s. I just realised I thought today was 4 March. Out of wishful thinking for my revision time possibly, but more likely because I’m really tired/hungover. I can feel my head throb. Why do I do this to my revision? NO MORE BEER.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

1 April 2014

I woke up expecting today to be much like any other.

But boy, oh boy, how wrong was I.

First, the pipe broke, which made watering the plants this morning slightly difficult. Ever so slightly.

Though, I must admit, the moment when the water exploded from the broken pipe was quite spectacular. A mini water fireworks of my very own creation.

Splendid.

Then, soaked, I came into the house to find that the bread had expired. No, no, that’s not funny. It’s very serious stuff. Especially when you’d woken up at 6am having gone to bed dreaming of having shredded pork on bread for breakfast. (I take my food visualisations very seriously.) It’s really not funny.

Stomach rumbling, I took a long, hard look at the loaf of bread and rued whatever it was that made me take the wrong batch from the shelf. The one with the earlier expiry date. There must have been at least half a loaf left. I mean. That’s a lot of slices.

What a waste.

So, an hour after waking up, what did we have? Half-watered garden. Half-wasted loaf. Half-drenched me.

So I thought I’d take a shower. It seemed like the reasonable thing to do.

The water wasn’t running.

Not sure if that had anything to do with the pipe breaking in the garden. I didn’t think so. But still, doesn’t change anything.

The morning was turning into a mini disaster.

That is to say until I opened my university inbox and saw an e-mail from UCL, announcing that I had been exempted from this year’s final examinations.

Why?

Because it’s April Fools’ Day.

Happy April Fools everyone!

Val

p.s. The events detailed in this post are fictitious. Any resemblance or similarity to any actual events is entirely coincidental.

p.p.s. I told you yesterday I’d let you know how the magic revision session continued after “lunch”. And it went great! Actually, today was also pretty awesome. It’s all in the (concentrated) mind!

p.p.p.s. I saw the HIMYM finale today. And whoa. Like. Whoa. (Worry not. No spoilers from me!)

p.p.p.p.s. (just one more) And I do actually go to UCL.

TEEHEE

 

 

31 March 2014

I’ve been revising like a possessed woman.

In marked contrast to the slow and forced process of the past three days, today’s revision was fast and effortless. I’d even say automatic.

It just happened.

And I’m not done with it yet. It’s 4pm and I haven’t had a proper lunch, save for that pork pie (it’s smaller than it sounds) at 12pm. So right about now is when I’m going to take a lunch break.

I wonder what revision will be like post-lunch. I’m planning a change of lieu. I’m moving to the reading room, which is where my productivity usually spikes. I’m expecting the favourable ambiance the room to help me submerge in my flow. So I can plunge into the eurozone (today’s reading pick).

I love that room. It’s large, bright, high-ceilinged. Full of people (middle-aged to senior) who are actually reading (with the occasional napper). All the properties that make a perfect reading environment. Not to mention the large rectangular wooden table that serves as a communal work/reading area. Sufficiently large that you don’t feel squished in between fellow readers/workers. That’s where I’ll be firmly planted for a few hours after lunch. Three, maybe four.

Then, if that goes well, I’m going to go plop myself in one of the comfy armchairs in the lounge after. And read my fun book while waiting for the traffic to clear so I can drive home. Hmm…

In the meantime, I revel in the success of the morning. I did so much. 

Last night through to this morning (before the revision mega-session happened), my mind had been going over and over – like a broken record – thoughts along the lines of: ‘I did so little the past few days, need to do more’, ‘Need to revise faster’, ‘Need to finish those notes; them hanging over me stresses me out’, ‘Need to go through more of those lectures’, so on and so forth.

It’s such a wonderful, wonderful feeling when you accomplish what you set out to do. Especially when what you set out to do was actually a lot. Far above average, in today’s case.

It’s such a buzz.

I wish I could continue so that the buzz would never stop. At times this morning, it felt like I could go on forever if I didn’t stop. What a wonderful thing that would be.

But all magic revision sessions, like parties, must come to an end.

I have revised, and now I must eat.

Until tomorrow – I shall be back to let you know how the rest of today (and maybe tomorrow) will have gone,

Val

28 March 2014

Oops. Someone forgot to write a post yesterday.

Well, I did and I didn’t.

Allow me to explain.

As you may know, I write these posts at the end of the day. Usually after 5pm. Often much later.

Yesterday, I had a work appointment at 5pm.

Arises the question: do I blog before? Or do I blog after?

(Two questions?)

In my blissful ignorance of what the evening held in store, I decided to leave it until after. After all, I didn’t have many hours to spare before my 5 o’clock. And if there are two things I don’t like, they’re 1) writing a post in a hurry and 2) going to a meeting in a hurry.

So it was settled. I would come back and write the post in perfect tranquillity. Free from worries and time constraints.

I went to my meeting. By 5.30pm everything was done. Then, realising how much time there was left, I decided on a little detour. I went to a department store to run some personal errands and do some off-location revision.

So far, my revision has taken place a) at home and b) at my sports club. I thought a little change of locale would spice it up a little.

So I happily installed myself in a café in the department store. Having walked around the floor twice to make sure I didn’t miss a hidden spot (I can be neurotic like that. Especially with cafés. Don’t ask.)

And started on my French exercise.

Then I thought I’d check in with the outside world. (Thought always occurs while revising. Hmm. Interesting.) So I went on my messaging app. And realised that some of my friends were headed to the very same department store.

I think you know where this is going.

No regrets though. Do you know what’s better than a meal with friends? An unplanned meal with friends.

I had the best time.

So, that’s why I didn’t forget to write the post. I simply misallocated time due to an unforeseen event – an information asymmetry, if you will.

The dinner lasted a good long while. By the time I got back to my sports club (my base for yesterday), it was late and all the facilities were closed.

I thought to myself: ah well, I can always write it at home.

So I drove home, with the intention of getting down to blogging before I go to bed.

I got home. And forgot.

Turns out my brain isn’t perfect after all. *exaggerated gasp*

Anyways, here I am today. Using today’s allotment of post to explain my failure to produce yesterday’s post.

I call that creative substitution.

(Yes, I’m throwing Economic vocab in here and there for no good reason. I’ve been reading so much dry Economics stuff today. I am adamant that I be allowed this indulgence.)

Creative and convenient, given that I haven’t done much worthy of reporting today. Unless you find European unemployment and protective labour market institutions particularly sexy.

Not a fan of Economics? How about hierarchical and political incommensurability of values? (My studies do take me to weird and random places…)

Nope. Didn’t think so.

I can actually feel a slight vibration in my eyeballs. I take that as a sign that I should stop staring at the laptop. (I’ve been reading on Mendeley all day.)

So I shall retire to my comfy bed.

Have a good evening,

Val

 

26 March 2014

I think I’ve figured the printer out.

Some of you may remember my rant from 21 March, in which I pour out my exasperation with modern technology in a broken and over-long narrative.

(How’s that for self promotion?)

Anyways, I woke up today to the mammoth task of, you guessed it, more printing. Having downloaded all the past papers yesterday for my revision, I thought I’d take advantage of being at home today to print them all out.

Knowing printing always takes longer than you expect, I wanted to get it out of the way. So, first thing I did after waking up was firmly implanting myself, laptop in hand, next to the damned printer.

I tried to print the first document. Silence.

Box pops up on laptop screen: “Printer failing to load multiple paper.”

Uh-oh. Not the most auspicious start to the envisaged morning of printing fun.

I tried a few different printing options. Then bingo!

It’s the two-sided printing that’s confusing the printer. Turns out my printer is not a friend of the environment. It cannot do two-sided printing.

It could, two weeks ago, when I did my last printing batch in the pre-failure-to-load-multiple-paper era. But apparently not anymore.

In a mixture of disgruntlement (at not being able to print two-sided) and euphoria (at getting the printer to more or less work), I continued with the task. Which lasted two hours.

But now everything’s printed.

I even got round to printing the articles I wanted to print 5 days ago but couldn’t. Not all of them though. I don’t want to carry around 30 sheets of paper for a 76-page article. So those will have to stay on Mendeley, which I have no issue with. *knock wood*

Now I’m hungry. So I’m going to stop writing and go devour my dinner.

I know. I’m always either tired or hungry. This is what happens when you post at the end of the day.

Think of it as a good thing. If I weren’t in such a rush to go eat, or sleep, you’d have to endure more of my writing.

Until tomorrow,

Val

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

25 March 2014

I must admit that I find the British accent very sexy.

Or at the very least extremely alluring.

So I’m sitting by myself in the café at my sports club – yes, I go to a sports club. Please don’t judge me – having a full-on revision panic attack (more on which later), when this group of ladies comes in and sits down at the next table.

A wave of curiosity washes over me. Which is entirely ordinary – I am fascinated by people: how they interact among themselves and with their external environment. And this group is quite a striking bunch. Clad in bright colours, each sporting a different style of clothing, all exuding confidence. Genuine confidence of a kind you only acquire in later life (I’m thinking mid-thirties).

Then one of them starts talking, and boom! Not only does she speak perfect English (bilingual-style), but she also has the most wonderful British accent. Not quite the Queen’s English, but thick and proper enough to make misplacing her accent a crime. Either she has spent a considerable part of her (likely early) life in England, or she has a true knack for adopting accents.

For minutes I sit. Eyes fixed at my laptop screen. Hands poised over the keyboard. Still. Mesmerised by the smooth flow of the British accent from the next table. The apparently indifferent next-table neighbour actually straining to catch every word, every syllable.

And, once I’ve had my fill of her British accent (thank you, female stranger), I return to my revision.

Now, about that revision panic attack.

First of all, apologies for exaggerating. It wasn’t a panic attack. Merely a flash of panic intense enough to focus and stimulate. I’ve had panic attacks before (twice, to be exact), and today’s revision-induced panic is not of the same magnitude. Nowhere near.

What brought on this mini panic thing is a close friend of mine who – earlier today – asked me if I was “on course” with revision. Two words: on course.

I moved to answer her (on the messaging app). And while my brain went over the past two weeks’ progress and the number of days left until Day One of examination period, the question hit home: Am I on course?

I typed in some irresponsibly vague answer citing lack of exam schedule (to be released this Friday) bla bla and pressed ‘send’. But the panic had set. Am I on course?

How does one know if one is on course with revision? The economist that I am, I imagine this piece of knowledge (whether one is on course) to depend on three factors: 1) the amount of revision time left, 2) the rate of revision, and 3) the amount of material left to be revised before time is up.

I know 1). I can have a guess at 2). I have no idea about 3).

Hence the panic.

I came back to my laptop and proceeded to pull up all the information I have on all the three Economics modules I am revising for. (In case you’re wondering, I have 5 exams: 3 econ – in student lingo – and 2 French.) I went over all the course programmes, revision guidance, lecturers’ tips, and recent past papers to suss out how much more I need to know in order to be able to do the exams.

And turns out it’s quite a lot.

I know it’s only 25th March, and exams won’t begin until 1st May. But what if I have all my exams in the first week? The exam schedule is released this Friday, but between now and Friday are 3 full days. If I’d learnt anything at university over the past 4 years, it’s that complacency is the most dangerous enemy.

So I started devising a revision programme for each of the three modules. They’re in no way comprehensive. But they’re indicative – and that’s good enough for now. I know what I have to do next. I know how to prioritise. I know how much more time I need to allocate to revision (than I already do) on a daily basis. Another thing I learnt at university: if you don’t have enough time to do something, allocate more time. Don’t speed it up. Doing things in a hurry is no better than not doing them at all.

Armed with the above information, I feel the panic slowly subside. Expectation is important, all the more so that it’s about something so subjective as revision (subjective in the sense of being completely dependent on the standard you set yourself – a student aiming for a First will revise significantly more than one hoping for a Pass). And I’ve revised my expectations to more realistic levels.

Do I still want a First? Yes. Do I aim to provide perfect answers to every question? No. Do I aim to know all the material inside out? No. Aren’t my responses inconsistent? No.

You don’t need to know everything to do well in an exam. You just need to know enough. And if you don’t have time to revise everything? Well, that’s OK. Time is limited. As with any limited resource, it must be allocated. Priorities must be assigned, and expectations adjusted to reflect your priorities.

I’ve spent the past 4 hours this afternoon revising, and 3 hours this morning. Can I revise more? Yes. It’s only 5pm. Will I? No. I need to revise. I want to. But not all the time.

Val’s list of priorities as of 25th March:

1. Revise.
2. Exercise.
3. Write.
4. Socialise.

I have my Battle Beat class at 5.30pm. Then my dance class at 6.30pm. And I’ve been writing this post since 4.45pm. Today’s activities reflecting priorities so far. One golden star for me.

After dance class is another matter. I might go see a friend. Or, if that falls through, revise some more. I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.

If only I’d learnt all this 4 years ago when I was revising for my first university exams, then my second, then my third… All the anxieties, all the frustrations, all the fears that could have been avoided.

Well, as they say, better late than never!

Gotta rush to go kick some air now,

Until tomorrow,

Val