10 January 2020

Ten days into the New Year is as good a time as any to reflect on 2019.

2019 wasn’t particularly eventful (or maybe it was since I changed jobs… but in view of meeting my better half in 2018 and more life changes to come in 2020, a job change pales in comparison). However there were some key learnings and (I’d like to think) growth. Here goes my attempt at summarizing for posterity:

One: I change my mind easily

This discovery about myself came through the series of work-related u-turns I underwent in 2019.

First I became unhappy with work at my previous company, so much so that I had a mild (?) outburst with a colleague and my partner which involved a good measure of hysterics. The frustration and feeling of pointlessness came so suddenly that the next day I told my boss I was planning to leave the company in the next 6 months. I had my mind made up.

And then as the months wore on, as I started seeing the fruits of my labour (I had launched a mobile learning program and feedback was coming in from participants), I changed my mind and thought: work’s not so bad. Let’s stick with it. I still wasn’t keen on corporate life but decided it was good enough for the time being.

Then, once again, mid-year I did a u-turn and this time really did decide to leave and began job searching, which brought me to Agoda, where I currently am. I was excited for the change but was still in an exploratory mode: let’s give corporate another shot.

Then life at Agoda is so unexpectedly great that, lo and behold, I changed my mind again: now I love corporate. Okay, maybe love is a strong word. But I can certainly easily see myself doing this for a large part of my remaining life. Which is basically a complete u-turn from where I was this time last year.

In short, yes, I change my mind easily, and completely.

Two: Speaking up isn’t that hard – even I can do it

So, two of the challenges I had back at my old company were speaking up in meetings and speaking up when I’m not happy about something.

In the first case, I simply wasn’t very good at cutting in in a flow of conversation. The team had a number of outspoken people and meetings tended to be a round-robin of them sharing their thoughts or disagreeing with one another. I always waited for an opening, a pause that was long enough to chime in. But this almost never happened. With the result that I was mostly silent in meetings unless spoken to directly.

At Agoda, I’ve gotten better at this. I’m not sure how or why. But I’ve learnt to cut in. I’ve gotten used to speaking up as another person is tapering off. And now I’m actively participating in meetings. It seemed impossible before, but now that I’m doing it… it’s really not that complicated.

The second issue is a little trickier: speaking up when I’m not happy. My partner has often observed my fear of confrontation and attempt to avoid it at all costs. I remember still all the fuss I was making at my old company when I wasn’t happy with what a colleague did but was finding a million mental excuses not to “confront” them about it.

I’m happy to report that this has changed at Agoda. On many occasions, I have spoken up when a colleague (even those senior to me or above me in the chain of reporting) did something that frustrated me or I felt was not acceptable. And in all cases it has led to good results. A stronger relationship and smoother working experience.

And in no instance did it feel like a confrontation. One colleague even verbally expressed their appreciation that I did so: if not, they wouldn’t have realized and continued doing it, which would have soured the relationship eventually.

Three: It’s about priorities, not balance

A few months into my time at Agoda, a female executive came to speak at the company. Of all the many cool things she shared, one thing stuck:

It’s not about work-life balance. It’s priorities. At different times of your life, priorities change. Maybe now it’s work. But if you have a baby, they will become your priority. So it’s not about balancing equally. It’s about knowing what your priorities are and allocating your time and effort accordingly.

This sharing shifted my perspective on how I view work and life. I did always use to think of it as a balancing act. But once I heard this, I agreed completely. It’s about what your priorities are at any given moment.

And knowing this, it makes decisions much less complicated. For example, coming up this year is a big life decision. Instead of doing a mental cost-benefit analysis, I simply ask myself: what matters more? And the answer is clear.

And from then, everything flows effortlessly. So yes, life decision made. Let’s see how that (to use work-speak for a bit) gets executed on and what the rest of 2020 has in store.

I can probably come up with more learnings, but I am a firm believer that less is more. Plus, three is kind of a cool number.

What has your reflection been on 2019? What does 2020 hold in store for you?

Love,

Val

21 September 2014

It’s that time of year again – Wikipedia is asking for donations.

I went on it the other day to look up who-knows-what, and the message popped up. I have donated in the past (and feel pretty good about myself for it), but I wasn’t feeling particularly charitable this time around and, with a tiny pang of guilt, promptly clicked on the tiny cross in the corner.

Here’s a link to donate should you like to do so. I plan to become a regular donor myself once I’m on a payroll. ‘No money in, no money out’ is my motto of the day. Until I find myself a job, I’m not going to add to the financial commitments I already have.

You see, I can be pretty sensible if I want to.

Talking about being sensible, I’m taking proofreading jobs again. Since I have time on my hands, I figured I might as well. I’m not doing it purely for the money though. I like reading other people’s writing. It’s fascinating to see how different minds operate and express themselves. Also, it satisfies my urge to correct every little grammatical mistake I see. I have the itch every time someone asks me ‘just to comment’ on a text and not proofread it. *shudders*

I’m in the middle of writing a long post for my other blog. These long posts take a long time to write. Since they’ll go on my Featured Content page, I want to make sure I’m absolutely happy with them. Feel free to check the other featured ones out if you want to – they are my babies, my pride and joy.

So what am I doing writing this instead? To be frank, I lost my train of thought. I had finally come up with the first paragraph (always the hardest part), and sentences were flowing from my fingertips – all was well and good. Until I decided to take a break to have a read-through. When I came back to the text editor, I had lost my train.

This happens to me from time to time. Something I’m hoping writing more will help me avoid. (That’s actually the reason behind this diary blog: to get me writing more often.) But in the meantime, I’ll take this opportunity to condense and organise my thoughts on the post a bit more. I’m sure the next sentence will come to me in a shower; that seems to be when I’m my most creative self. I’ve heard similar comments from other writers/creative people. It must have something to do with the body being relaxed and the mind released from the mundane tasks that usually occupy it. I wonder if anyone has ever done a study on the effects of being in a shower on our creative impulse and/or subconscious. Hmm…

I love how random this blog allows me to be. *happy sigh*

OK – I think that’s enough writing for today. Time for Big Bang Theory! As they say, you can’t write if you don’t read. Or watch Big Bang Theory.

Have a good Sunday everyone!

Love,

Val

 

 

6 April 2014

Val’s list of priorities as of 6th April:

1. Revise.
2. Exercise.
3. Socialise.
4. Write.

It’s my last week in Bangkok before I jet off to London, where my final undergraduate exams will begin in less than a month. *shivers* Given this imminent departure, I’ve tried to schedule in seeing all my good friends this past and coming week. And since I can’t do two things at once, I’ve had to revise my priorities list from 25th March.

To be completely honest, though, in my head, the priorities seem to be: revise, revise, revise. At some point this week, I suddenly realised that I’ve officially entered the final stretch of revision.

It’s funny. The middle stretch never arrived. One day I was in my early stretch (25th March would be one of those days), then suddenly I was in the final stretch. There doesn’t seem to be a middle stage where you’re just revising merrily along. You’re either super cool and collected, thinking ‘I’m way ahead. I started so early’, or a wreck of nerves, with ‘OMG I’M NEVER GOING TO FINISH REVISING IN TIME. THERE’S LESS THAN A MONTH LEFT‘ on repeat in your puny, overworked, and overstressed brain (which pretty much describes the me of the past week).

My solution for this surge in anxiety has been to exercise like mad. I’ve gone to the gym more often this week than any other week. Having my imminent departure as an excuse to spend more time with friends also helps. The exercise and the company distract me from the stress of revision, but the latter is never far from my mind.

I wonder what it’ll be like once I arrive in London. I can already foresee my stress levels shoot right up. It’s a good thing I’ve got that Lake District trip planned. God knows I could use some away time to clear my head.

On the other hand, though, it’s four whole days where I won’t be able to revise. And there’s a lot you can revise in four days.

This is really not a productive train of thought, so I’m going to stop myself there.

Objectively, I’ve done a lot this week: substantial revision progress was made, visa was acquired, friends were met, body was subject to rigorous exercise. I just don’t feel like it.

And that’s the problem.

It’s all in your mind. It’s all in my mind.

If only the mind were easier to tame.

Maybe I should start meditating.

But now I should get started on that French exercise, so I have time to wash my car before it gets dark (and the mosquitoes come out to play).

Thanks for reading,

Val

p.s. I meant to write a post about how flexibility and duty are inherently incompatible concepts. I’m not sure what happened. I started writing and this came out.

p.p.s. This is quite therapeutic. I should really write about more substantial things though, more concrete topics, with analysis and insight. And there goes the over-exigent mind again.