13 April 2019

Happy Thai New Year!

I’ve been thinking of updating this blog for a few days now, and finally found some time to sit down in front of my laptop and do it.

In the shower just now, I was thinking of how to position this post. And I came up with this opening sentence: I was always told that change is constant, but only now I am beginning to experience it in my own life.

As is my custom, I went back to read my previous post before beginning to write, and lo and behold! The first sentence in my last post:

Change is kind of nice.

Strange that the theme of last post was also change. I guess it only proves my point: change is constant.

So, why am I saying that I am experiencing change? If you remember, back in December last year many members of my team were laid off due to cost savings. Then I had that tumultuous period at work which I told you about in my two previous posts. And then, just as I thought the dust had settled, a few weeks back – maybe a month by now – my boss told me that she’s leaving the company.

Shock! Horror! My boss is somewhat of an institution at my company. She has been there for 6 years and there was previously no indication of her leaving. But she is. When she told me the news, I was shocked for a few brief instants, but then it sank in. There was also panic as I thought: shit, are they going to hire someone from outside to head the team? I didn’t like the sound of that.

Thankfully, they are moving someone internally to head the team, and guess who that someone is: my previous boss! So, I’m back in my old nest. My two bosses (past, present, and past-cum-future) are very different in management style, but I think I’ll adapt just fine. I’m just relieved they didn’t put in someone completely new. I know I should know better, but uncertainty still scares me.

So that’s the big change. And I have come to accept now that there will undoubtedly soon be further changes at work. Not that I know of anyone planning to leave. It just always is that way. (nods sagely)

There has also been a change on the personal front. Me and my boyfriend (can I call him long-term now that we’ve been together for over 8 months?) – oops – dad has arrived (he’s driving me to the airport). Well then, writing shall resume at the airport!

I’m back! So yes, me and my boyfriend were talking about where we could live from next year. And where previously we were only talking about Hanoi, now we’re also considering Bangkok and Ho Chi Minh city. It’s not my favourite Vietnamese city but I’ve decided to keep an open mind. We’ll scout it out one weekend later this year. So yes, personal life-changing plans also change!

I’m at the airport now about to fly to Hanoi on my third visit to my boyfriend since we started dating. I love Hanoi; for some inexplicable reason it’s one of my favourite cities. So I’m excited to be there for a few days. Tickets were rather expensive as it’s the long holiday (Thai New Year innit) but worth every penny.

I should go and get started on my next book. I’ve been reading regularly. I’m onto my fourth book of the month now, which is pretty good considering we’re only two weeks in: Kazuo Ishiguro’s The Unconsoled. He’s one of my favourite authors and I’m just whizzing through his books. They’ve all been enjoyable so far. I wouldn’t say they were all “fun”, but certainly very immersive, which is what I look for in a book. Fun is overrated anyways.

I hope you’re all well and enjoying the constant change of life.

Until next time.

Love,

Val

18 February 2019

Change is kind of nice.

The reason I’m saying this is I just read my post from 9th January and I’m realising how much things have changed, and how good I feel about that.

I’m not saying all change is good for everyone. Just that I’m rather fond of the the kind of change happening in my life right now.

So I just came back from an eight-day beach vacation with my (now six-month-long) boyfriend (confettis!). We spent twelve days together (counting the time we were in Bangkok), which is the longest we’ve ever been in each other’s presence. And it was fine! More than fine, in fact. It was absolutely wonderful. So we revisited the idea of moving in together (which requires me to quit my job and move to Hanoi).

Over the course of that conversation, we discussed what I’d be doing in Hanoi and what I should do regarding the job situation. The conversation was a short one, but where things stand after are miles apart from where they were before, hence the “good” change I’m talking about.

To give you a bit of background of the events of the past month post-talk with boss (mentioned in my previous post), I did feel better after sharing with her my plan to leave. She made some good suggestions, and the talk gave me perspective on my situation. With that new perspective and a new practice of reviewing my progress and development in our weekly meetings, I have been feeling better at work – re-engaged.

Whereas six weeks ago the thought of staying in this job for another eleven months was difficult to stomach, now it seems fine. More than fine, in fact. I’m enjoying what I’m doing again. It’s still not what I want to be doing for the rest of my life – that much hasn’t changed – but I’m choosing to look at the positives and there are enough to justify staying in it. For now.

So, going into the conversation with my boyfriend ten days ago, my feelings about my job were much more positive than what they were when I burst into hysterics mid-call back in January. And as we discussed my options regarding the move, I asked myself: why do I have to leave at the end of the year? After all, I only plan to move to Hanoi in July next year. Why not stay in the job for another six months and get a solid income, save up some funds for the move?

Initial reasons for leaving the job at the end of the year were two-fold: a) it gives me time to “prepare” for moving to another country and b) my housing contract expires in December. Looking at them again, b) is kind of silly as of course I can extend my contract at the end of the year for another 6-7 months (at least I think I can…).

And as for a), over the course of the conversation we began to look at the move differently. This doesn’t have to be the “be all, end all”. We’re not going to buy a house with a picket fence in Hanoi and settle down. The move may well be temporary. He doesn’t know yet where he wants to be long-term, and neither do I. Hanoi is good as a base for some time, but nothing binds us to it.

So I’m now looking at the move as a transition period. And I don’t think I have to leave my job six months before to prepare for a transition period. I can just leave, then transition, then during that time prepare for what’s coming next. Hanoi can be a place for me to pause and re-evaluate the different pieces of my life, and work out where I want to go next country-wise and professionally.

And now that I’m thinking like that, I’m not so stressed anymore. I don’t need to figure out between now and July 2020 what to do for the rest of my life. In fact, now it seems silly that just a month ago that’s exactly what I expected myself to do. And with the burden of stress now lifted, everything seems lighter. I’m enjoying my job more. I’m less confused, and no longer frustrated. And this is such a big change from just six weeks ago. The state I was back then and now… light years apart.

So yes, I’m happy. This has been a pretty drifty post. I’m in a drifty mood. I just wanted to drop by and check in with you guys. Now it’s time to focus and get back to work.

Lots of love and until next time,

Val

8 October 2014

I learnt another important life lesson yesterday: communication, communication, communication.

I have always taken pride in my ability to express myself clearly. Then yesterday happened.

A message I had sent was misunderstood and cost me an opportunity I was looking to pursue. I do not regret my actions. I thought well and hard before sending that message, and I genuinely believed (I still do) that it was the right action to take.

But now that I re-read it with a fresh pair of eyes, I see how it could have been taken to mean something completely different. And I take responsibility for not having been clear enough. I could have worded it differently, been more explicit, so on and so forth. The next time I send a message of this sort, I’ll be sure to re-read it more than once (which is what I now do) before sending. Maybe sit on it for a few hours to see if I can come up with something better (which is to say, clearer).

This misunderstanding has been on my mind since yesterday afternoon. I am not so much frustrated at the missed opportunity as with myself for not having been sufficiently clear in my communications. In a way, though, I am grateful this happened. I’d rather discover this weakness now than later. Thanks to yesterday, I will now be more careful with all my future communications. You could say yesterday’s events opened my eyes.

I am glad I am experiencing this now, just before I enter the world of full-time employment. Where I am sure I will find myself in this particular situation countless times, and where I do not intend to repeat the same mistake. Not too many times at least.

It’s all about communication, communication, communication. Be clear. Be concise. Be ready to assume the consequences. (That’s my mantra of the day.)

I’m going to end with a quote from Dan Gilbert that I’m borrowing from Brain Pickings (a brilliant site where I constantly find inspiration and courage). A quote that resonates with me even more now after yesterday’s events.

Human beings are works in progress that mistakenly think they’re finished. The person you are right now is as transient, as fleeting and as temporary as all the people you’ve ever been. The one constant in our lives is change.

Love,

Val