I can’t sleep.
I went (came?) to bed eight hours ago, and I am now more awake than ever. I tossed and turned. I counted sheep. I lost count of sheep. Nothing worked.
Why can’t I sleep? That’s the question I’m asking myself. And I have a pretty good idea what the answer is.
The blended Thai milky tea I had at half past six yesterday evening, is why. I knew I was asking for trouble, but I went for it anyways. I have nothing but my gluttony and lack of self control to blame.
Talking about those two things, this holiday season is going to be the death of my weight loss progress. I’ve been stuffing myself silly using the holidays as an excuse. And I’ve gained so many kilos (well, two, to be exact – might not sound like a lot but takes hell to lose). Monday will be a rude awakening. No more carbs. No more sugar. At least until the next weigh-in at the monthly hospital visit.
Oh why oh why do I live in extremes. Moderation is certainly not my strong suit.
Now let’s move on to better and brighter things…
It’s 2016 babeh!
Two good things are happening already in 2016. (Three if you count intaking a lot of cakes and cookies and various other forms of calories.)
One: I have my first French student. How is the teaching going, you ask? It is slowly taking shape. I am learning to branch out, try different techniques, and set the right prices. Price setting has been the biggest challenge so far. But hopefully the latest adjustment has solved that issue for the time being.
So yes, first French student. And an online one at that. Exciting days! I can envisage how the lesson is going to unfold, and I can’t wait for next Saturday to see the class through. Fingers crossed all goes well and the student is happy with how I handle distance teaching.
Two: I reached out to the people I wronged in the past year, specifically during my mania in December 2014/January 2015. Apologies were made, sincerely if somewhat awkwardly. I feel like a school kid trying to make up in the playground after knocking over another student’s lunch. It’s weird apologising for what you only vaguely remember you did. But blaming it all on brain chemicals didn’t seem like the right way to go. So yes, I said sorry to a number of people. And I hope that they will forgive me. If not, then there is nothing I can do but graciously accept that that’s how things are going to be.
Oh I do hope that at least some of them will be understanding. None of them have read my message yet. I am most certainly going to be reduced to a pile of nerves when I check in on the messages later today. Thankfully it’s still the holidays and my parents are both home. So we’re going into the city and exploring the new mall. That would take my mind off the dreaded responses a little. Imagine that this time tomorrow I will have found out whether I’ve alienated some of my closest friends for good. That is a terrifying prospect.
Better not think about it now. As Scarlett said, “I’ll think about it to-morrow”.
It’s a quarter to six. The sky outside is still dark. I am waiting for the first light to go downstairs and officially start living my Saturday. I will be operating on zero sleep, but there’s nothing I can do about that now. Also there’s nothing much left to do. In the eight hours that I’ve been in bed, I have been so productive that I finished most of the tasks I had to do before Monday.
I guess the productivity spike is one good thing about sleepless nights. If only I could sleep properly and spread the productivity throughout the week though… Life would be so much better. I would certainly feel much better about myself.
2016. It’s an arbitrary new start. A fresh page to write my story. I think I know what I have to deal with first: no more mid-day naps and putting off my learning and teaching tasks. More productive days will do wonders for my recovery, and it’s about time I fully recover from my mental setback. I can’t be a floor potato (new word!) forever.
Side note: sleeping on a cold hard floor is strangely very satisfying. Don’t ask me why. It just is.
2016! I hope it turns out to be a wonderful year for all of us. As wonderful as the last, and the one before, and the one before, so on and so forth. One’s life can never be too full of wonder.
It may seem like my life has been on standby, but I’ve come a long way in 2015. Mentally. If not yet physically (diet goes on…).
Let’s continue to move forward in 2016.