18 February 2019

Change is kind of nice.

The reason I’m saying this is I just read my post from 9th January and I’m realising how much things have changed, and how good I feel about that.

I’m not saying all change is good for everyone. Just that I’m rather fond of the the kind of change happening in my life right now.

So I just came back from an eight-day beach vacation with my (now six-month-long) boyfriend (confettis!). We spent twelve days together (counting the time we were in Bangkok), which is the longest we’ve ever been in each other’s presence. And it was fine! More than fine, in fact. It was absolutely wonderful. So we revisited the idea of moving in together (which requires me to quit my job and move to Hanoi).

Over the course of that conversation, we discussed what I’d be doing in Hanoi and what I should do regarding the job situation. The conversation was a short one, but where things stand after are miles apart from where they were before, hence the “good” change I’m talking about.

To give you a bit of background of the events of the past month post-talk with boss (mentioned in my previous post), I did feel better after sharing with her my plan to leave. She made some good suggestions, and the talk gave me perspective on my situation. With that new perspective and a new practice of reviewing my progress and development in our weekly meetings, I have been feeling better at work – re-engaged.

Whereas six weeks ago the thought of staying in this job for another eleven months was difficult to stomach, now it seems fine. More than fine, in fact. I’m enjoying what I’m doing again. It’s still not what I want to be doing for the rest of my life – that much hasn’t changed – but I’m choosing to look at the positives and there are enough to justify staying in it. For now.

So, going into the conversation with my boyfriend ten days ago, my feelings about my job were much more positive than what they were when I burst into hysterics mid-call back in January. And as we discussed my options regarding the move, I asked myself: why do I have to leave at the end of the year? After all, I only plan to move to Hanoi in July next year. Why not stay in the job for another six months and get a solid income, save up some funds for the move?

Initial reasons for leaving the job at the end of the year were two-fold: a) it gives me time to “prepare” for moving to another country and b) my housing contract expires in December. Looking at them again, b) is kind of silly as of course I can extend my contract at the end of the year for another 6-7 months (at least I think I can…).

And as for a), over the course of the conversation we began to look at the move differently. This doesn’t have to be the “be all, end all”. We’re not going to buy a house with a picket fence in Hanoi and settle down. The move may well be temporary. He doesn’t know yet where he wants to be long-term, and neither do I. Hanoi is good as a base for some time, but nothing binds us to it.

So I’m now looking at the move as a transition period. And I don’t think I have to leave my job six months before to prepare for a transition period. I can just leave, then transition, then during that time prepare for what’s coming next. Hanoi can be a place for me to pause and re-evaluate the different pieces of my life, and work out where I want to go next country-wise and professionally.

And now that I’m thinking like that, I’m not so stressed anymore. I don’t need to figure out between now and July 2020 what to do for the rest of my life. In fact, now it seems silly that just a month ago that’s exactly what I expected myself to do. And with the burden of stress now lifted, everything seems lighter. I’m enjoying my job more. I’m less confused, and no longer frustrated. And this is such a big change from just six weeks ago. The state I was back then and now… light years apart.

So yes, I’m happy. This has been a pretty drifty post. I’m in a drifty mood. I just wanted to drop by and check in with you guys. Now it’s time to focus and get back to work.

Lots of love and until next time,

Val

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